The Invisible East Indian
For the longest time, I remember being embarrassed of certain East Indian traditions. Although I am more confident in my heritage and ethnicity now, that wasn’t always the case. When living in a country where the majority of the people are similar and you see yourself as the odd one out, it makes you want to conform to fit in with your friends.
When I was younger, most of my class would have items such as PB&J sandwiches, juice boxes, pudding cups, and other “punchables” open on top of their desks, whereas I would be unwrapping traditional Roti for lunch. Kids were overly curious about my lunch to the point where they thought it smelled bad and looked unappetizing. I thought this only happened to me, but as I got older, I found solace with my other East Indian friends and East Indian comedians on YouTube who discussed this very thing.
I was able to relate to others who desperately wished that they had meals of pastas, potatoes, and other “normal” things. We also discovered that, sadly, most people we ran into only knew about the stereotypical Indian food like Samosas and if we brought out anything else it didn’t line up with the East Indian image that they had created in their heads. Now, I am more open to explaining different types of traditional foods to people, but am still working on being comfortable eating the food I loved as a child in front of those who are not from my own cultural background.
In addition to food, clothing is another area where I am still becoming comfortable to wear in front of those whom are not from my culture. Often when I mention an East Indian function, most people jump to the conclusion and ask me if I will have a sari. What people don’t realize is that sari is not a blanket term for clothing, but rather is one particular type of clothing that we actually only wear in rare instances. Most of the time women will wear a suit which has a long top and flowing bottoms, where as a sari is something you wrap around yourself and secure with pins.Moreover, the mimicking of the East Indian accent and language is something that definitely makes me shy away from my native language. Even though I don’t mind when my friends tease me about certain things within my “brownness,” sometimes when people insist on greeting myself or others with an East Indian accent it turns me off. I also had a time in Middle School where certain kids and a teacher took my middle name Kaur, and called me “apple Kaur” or “the Kaur of the universe.” Since then I have never liked disclosing my middle name.
Recently, however, I have gotten more confident in doing so as I now know that I can speak-up in these instances. This class also mimicked an East Indian performance I did as part of our school talent show. Ever since then I have not performed anything but English songs in front of people who are not from the same background as myself. This is quite sad as I would love to dress-up in traditional clothes and sing a song that means just as much to me as western music does. Perhaps that will happen one day.
Although I have had many unfortunate experiences, I am beyond proud of how far I have come. Recently, even though I usually don’t do such things, I agreed to serve as a translator for a family new to Blind Beginnings, and it was the most positive experience I have had in a long time. Not only was I giving back to Blind Beginnings, but many people in the group were learning new words and communicating. Along with this, the organization's goal to have more open dialog and learning about diversity has made me feel confident to bring another part of myself home to Blind Beginnings. I am thrilled that not only has the organization taught me to embrace my disability, but every other part of me as well.
by Harjinder Saran (Jinnie)